SPRING!

     "THE POETS SING, 'TIS SPRING, 'TIS SPRING,

     BUDS BURST AND BIRDS ARE ON THE WING.'

     THAT'S THE SILLIEST THING I'VE HEARD -

     WE KNOW THE WING IS ON THE BIRD." - GC

With A Song In Her Heart

"There was a soprano Mimi Doundit
  Who when trying for a C went around it,
  As the audience was sighing
  Mimi kept right on trying
  Then  bowed when she finally found it." 

ROE, ROE, ROE YOUR BOAT

"Salmon swim upstream in spring

 Which is where they do their thing.

                                     Last anyone checked other fish weren't

                                    Aroused by  going against the current." - GC

Hair Today - Gone Tomorrow

"There was a  little girl,
  Who had a little curl,
  But she knew today's style was straight,
  So she hung weights from her tresses,
  Tried flat irons and presses,
  Then wound up with a bald pate."

Practice Makes Perfect

"Georgie porgie, puddin' and pie
  Kissed the girls and made  them cry,
 They were so distraught they couldn't speak,  
 After bringing them  to tears
 For a great many years,
 You'd think he'd improve his technique."                                                              

In One Year and Out the Other

"In order to improve me
  It  would behoove me
  To  make resolutions on this date.
  But as I reflect
  I've yet to effect
  Those made in 2008." - GC

Christmas Eve

"What are the two signs
  That make parents tremble?
  'Batteries not included' and
  'Easy to assemble.' " 

Christmas Eve

"With their GPS and a little  luck
  Elves  found the chimney where Santa was stuck.
  They pushed and pulled but couldn't release him
  Until the smart Elf thought to grease him" - GC

Comparison Shopper

"Don't want to seem ungrateful,
  Or thought of as  defensive,
  But I still cannot see
  If life's best things are free
  Why second bests are so expensive." - GC

Annual Accountings

"In Summer vacation bills are due,
Then in Fall school fees accrue,
Winter's Christmas - cash registers ring,
We pay the IRS in Spring.
What we all need, it seems to me,
Is at least one season free." - GC

Hmmm......

"Historians are apt and fast
 At explaining all of our past.
 Economists prognosticate
 Telling us of our future fate.
 Past, future don't  mystify  me,
 But today will sorely try me,
 'Can't some expert,' I sit musing,
 'Make the present less  confusing'?" 

The Spratt's Menu

"Jack Spratt and his wife took fork and knife
 To eat everything in sight,
 It didn't matter that
 Both ate  lean and fat
 Until  later at night."

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

"Little Miss Muffet waddled to her tuffet
 Trying to think what the word was
 To describe her full plate
 And  all she ate
That  left her more stuffed than the  bird was." - GC

Serenade

"Little Tommy Tucker sang for his supper
  In drive-ins, cafes, and saloons,
  He knew every word 
  Of songs he'd heard
  But seldom remembered tunes."

Retiring

"Jack was nimble, Jack was quick,
  But he barely cleared the candlestick,
   He felt heat as flame singed his britches
  (A new pair from Abercrombie & Fitch's),
  Jack still loves jumping but now has found
  Candlesticks are what he'll walk around."

Today's Special

"When dining out we  look about
 For a restaurant well lighted,
 Then hope the venue has a menu
 That's printed and not recited." 

You Never Know

"Jack and Jill went up the hill,
  Not intending to revel
  For they had  those pails to fill, 
  But what happens on a hill
  Is seldom on the level."
 
 

Caution: Deep Knee Bend

"Jogging leaves me breathless,
 Calisthenics, palpitating;
 At the brink of collapse
 Due to bodily gyrating.
 I must be at that stage
 When it's wise to be aware
 That the one thing I should
 Exercise is care."

     - Gail Cooke

No Room At The Inn

"There was an old woman who lived in a shoe
With so many children and only one loo.
The shoe was always too hot or too cold
But, after all, it was rent controlled." 

     - Gail Cooke

Taste Test

"Little Jack Horner sat in a corner
Eating his Christmas pie.
He didn't know why
It tasted so dry
Then remembered this was July." - GC